07 February 2006
Runaway And Hide
Sometimes I get very critical and I would complain complain in my head...I don't usually tell everyone what I am so critical about, except to my closest friends...actually..not even all of them...Nick didn't even know about it until I told him...he was glad to know what was up with me...haha...didn't update him much..
So this time I shall rant a bit.
I feel like running away and hide. I want to go to a place where I don't just stand there and wait for food to come. After CNY and spending time with my relatives, I came back learning something more. I finally could see how I have not been growing but rather just letting myself being eaten by sin or criticism.
For all these years, my mind has governed me, and I have lost my faith. That kind of faith that is sure of what is hoped for and certain of things unseen. Maybe that is why I am critical...maybe that is why I am feeling down...maybe that is why I wish I can go Taiping now...maybe that is why I want to run away and hide.
Only Psalm 139 can help me to tell God...
O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. Only I can take up the responsibility given to me. Yes. Only I can fulfill them. Operation "Be-A-Better-Rebekah" better be everyday.
Posted by rebekah at 11:47 PM
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