The Kah Spirit - her spiritual journey

25 February 2007

Hero

Somehow in life, we are all trying to be heroes.

We try to be good.

We try to be just.

We try to save the world.

We have ambitious thoughts.

Yeah, all the shows we've watched about heroes tell us not to give up and all that jazz.

But.

I am not a hero. (or heroine, for that gender matter...)

There was once a parent who came to me and pour her concern about her son and about the youth ministry in church.

The one question pops out. "Where are the leaders?"

Indeed, where are they?

I left XYZ about half a year ago. Don't throw stones at me, I love the youth ministry. I love the youths. I left because of reasons. Reasons that people always ask me to explain.

After a while, I don't know how to explain.

I would just brush away the issue with another question while their question still remains in my mind.

Yet, after I left, I realised that it was good decision. Hard, but good one. There are somethings that must be sorted out.

I often wonder why people left church. Did they just lost the fire for God? Did they not search harder for Him? Or did people in church push them away?

I admit. There are times when I push people away. I don't show enough concern. I don't show enough care.

That's exactly why I want to say this again: I am no hero.

I can't save the world. I can't say hi to everyone I see. I can't make small talk with everyone I know. I can't laugh at everyone's jokes.

Don't think I don't try. I want to be able to reach out to everyone I know...people who used to sit together at the same dinner table or being in the same worship team. People who used to pray together.

And I can't talk as much with once good friends. Friendships that have already been distanced by time and space.

Where there are good friends, there are also good acquaintances.

I know it might sound hypocritical. But let me say this again: Though I was a youth leader, I can't be everyone's mentor. Cause I am no hero.

I lose touch.

And I feel awfully terrible about it.


Yet.

I can try to keep in touch with those I have mentored closely last time. People like (insert name here. I ain't naming names, lest I offend.) I will try to keep in touch. Say hi once in a while. SMS once in a blue moon. Think about them.

Thanks to this once fear of mine which caused me to remember every good and bad friend I have encountered, I remember. Those who I have ignore though they were true, those who ignore though I was true.


I have so much more to learn about friendship.


Teach me.


Coming back to the parent's question.

I wish I could hear those cries and do something about it.

"Why are they being so cold? We were once close."

"Why are they not responding to my hi's? I thought they cared."

"I don't want to stay here anymore. I thought they were true."

"True friends? Pshaw! Fakers!"

"Hypocrites! Hypocrites!"

I wish I could do something about it.


But I am no hero.

I can't save everyone. I could only try to be a little more friendly.

I could only try.



Teach me.


Note to those who feel lonely: There's one Friend who never fail. Practical Christianity isn't all just about having godly friendships and relationships. Practical Christianity isn't just all about doing the right things, making the right decisions.

Christianity is about a relationship, a friendship with the One who is true. With our heavenly Father. Only He stays true. Only He will be faithful always. So, don't lean on your earthly friends. Lean on Him. When you lean on Him, you will feel safe. And lonely no more. Even if your friends become invisible. Or you feel invisible among them. Hold on to Jesus. Lean on Him. He's the true friend. The only one.

Posted by rebekah at 5:06 PM 

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07 February 2007

The Fear and The Love

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle's end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger's bed

It will find you when they serve you with the papers
It will find you when the locks have changed again
It will find you when you've called in all your favors
It will meet you at the bridge's highest ledge
So baby don't look down- it's a long way
The sun will come around to a new day

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

It will find you when the doctor's head is shaking
It will find you in a boardroom mostly dead
It will crawl into the foxhole where you're praying
It will curl up in your halfway empty bed
So baby don't believe that it's over
Maybe you can't see 'round the corner

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

To hang between two thieves in the darkness
Love must believe you are worth it
You're worth it

-Hold On
Nichole Nordeman

Posted by rebekah at 6:05 PM 

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Fear

The mind is a battlefield.

Watch the mind.

Perfect love drives out all fears.

Fear can be overcome.

Just take His hand.

Posted by rebekah at 1:16 PM 

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