The Kah Spirit - her spiritual journey

27 December 2005

God Is Sovereign

It's really hard to let go. As I've said before.

When Dannah Gresh wrote about "God is sovereign, Jesus is enough", I was seriously awed by the impact of the words itself. Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough for me...but it's still hard because I really yearn for the relationship that I've been yearning ever since my hormones start kicking in.

I ask myself, why people can get attached and not me...but then again, I said to myself, if I am still incomplete, I don't want to have a boyfriend/husband/someting in that line...

I am still incomplete. I still seek for completeness. For wholeness. Oh Lord, I want to be whole because it is only when I'm whole, I am able to soar on high...once I know me and You, I know that I am more prepared to embark on the things You have planned for me...


"You still have so much to live for. It's not done yet."

Posted by rebekah at 12:03 PM 

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13 December 2005

All I Need Is You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord, is You Lord
All I need is You
All I need is You Lord, is You LORD...
-God He Reigns, Hillsong

The echoes of the people singing the chorus..the music fades, the microphone is turned off...except for the sound of the voices like angels singing, the hall is silent. It seemed empty, but the atmosphere hung heavily. Lifted hands, and just repeating the same lines again, each time with a different meaning. All I need is You...there's nothing beside You...All I need is You...I lay everything down at Your feet...All I need is You...I cry holy to You Lord...

You could almost hear the unspoken words...tears fell and knees bowed...hands lifted...this is the heart of worship. When music fades, and everything is stripped away, there is nothing else but God.

You danced over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
-From The Rooftops, Desperation Band

Posted by rebekah at 1:57 PM 

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09 December 2005

Baggage

I often imagined myself walking on a stone-paved walkway, wrapping myself in thick coats in a rainy day. You see those pictures often in photo frames they sell in supermarkets.

I would have a song humming in my head, then my fantasy could ring true.

I have never thought about the problem with potholes, of slippery stones or a wave of puddle splashed at my ankles (or worse, the whole body).

I'd still remember when my left hand would be left bruising and blue-black when I was in Standard Five. I could still picture the bruise that was on my hand. I could still point out the exact spot the swelling began. I couldn't use my left hands for a few days. Holding things were painful. I had to survive only on one hand for a short while.

Where do you put the baggage of your past?

Forgive or not to forgive? The hurt you bring yourself upon. The bitterness you choose to keep. The pride you choose to wave like a banner...

All that just to hide the baggage that seemed to be taking up a lot of space. When you tried to let someone help, you take it back again and say, "Nay, you don't know how to handle it." But when you take it back, the weight that pulls you down, you'd wish that someone has taken the baggage from you.

You deny there is even a baggage. You pat yourself at the back and say to everyone, "I am a happy go lucky person!" but you don't realise that your back has been so bent because of the weight. You try to stand straight, but you realise that your back has been so strained by the burden, you have lost the art of standing straight.

You feel as if you are just holding a backpack. It feels light and you are happy that it is just a backpack. But when you open the backpack, it is like a Pandora's Box, you could not close it back. When you do close it back, you have copied all that you have taken out, in fear of losing it and you put the original and copy together back into the bag.

We all have baggages in our lives. It is not how big our baggage is, it's how we deal with those baggages. Some might just have one big one to carry. Some might have a handful of hand-carrys. But we all get bogged down by these baggages.

When I hear about letting go and letting God, I was like "Wow. That is a great idea I have not heard before." I placed the thought on a shelf and let it collect dust, until these years I had to take it down again because my life was going down spiralwards.

I thought that I was okay, but I wasn't. Bouts of depression swept over me and gnaw at me, the invisible hands clawing at me, choking me hard and pressing me down. My defences failed. My health failed. I lose sleep, I lose concentration...I was starting to lose myself.

I had not let go of baggages, I realise.

I had not let go.

Posted by rebekah at 5:05 PM 

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This Will Be A Place...

This will be a place where I will pour out my thoughts on Christ and my spiritual life...its gonna be really where I pour out thoughts wherever God takes me to. Hurts, pain, love, depression...this will be a real expression of the heart.

==the King of my mountains shall be the Lord of my valleys==

Posted by rebekah at 3:31 PM 

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