29 April 2007
Flyaway
Sometimes I want and wish to get a plane ticket and fly away to some other place. Australia? Japan? America? Canada? Korea? Hong Kong? Singapore? New Zealand? ...
I'm not wanting to runaway or anything. I just need to fly away. I need to go someplace else, do something different and learn something new. It's always good to travel. And not only so, I want to be able to curl up in the heat of the room and write. Continue on with my passion in writing. Or greater, I take a video camera or SLR camera to take video or pictures about life.
I like to put life in perspective. That's why I like to look at photographs...about life. Photographs that depict the human emotion. Not entertainment, celebrity photos. I like nature. Trees, plants, waterfalls, black and whites, sepias...weddings...Something that is taken from the heart.
That is why I would like to take a long holiday elsewhere. Get to know the culture and people there. Get rid of my preconceptions, learn new languages...
get married there and learn to find God and myself in a whole new world. It's really an insane idea, I know. I probably watched too much movies and TV dramas and dreamed that I could do that.
But you need to travel to know how to come back home.
You also need to open your heart in order to know what's in your heart.
Maybe next time, if I got some cash, I'll probably fly over to Sabah and climb Mt. Kinabalu. Or not. Haha..
Well, as the Arabs always say, "Insya Allah" or "God willing"...
We'll see how. Maybe Cameron Highlands seems nice for a student like me for now.
"Daughter, when will you ever be satisfied? Only in Me will you find satisfaction. Come to Me and I will come near to you."
Posted by rebekah at 10:34 PM
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25 April 2007
A Frustration
No, I'm not depressed.
I am just feeling a little down tonight.
Too many things that are I'm unable to understand.
It's not that God is again feeling distant, but rather, I am finding myself distant. It's not that I need space. Rather, I need to go somewhere else and think things through.
It's time for reflection.
And thank God that I have a holiday next week.
But I wish I can get away. Go someplace else.
I need a getaway.
And I want to understand.
This is frustrating.
Posted by rebekah at 10:00 PM
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14 April 2007
Light In The Darkness
Haven't been updating this blog, partly because have been really thinking.
Maybe I think too much till it becomes hazardous. Haha.
Last week was Easter week. It's the week where Jesus died on the cross and rose again.
And it was the week I found my faith again.
To be honest, I really thought I lost my faith. Doubts flooded in like anything. I am beginning to question whether am I really believing in God. I am starting to question whether my faith is genuine or copied.
There was a point I totally lost it. I went on prostrating and cried out to God who seemed so silent. I was using Psalm 28:1-2 to say to Him...
To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.
Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.
Then I relented. And I sms-ed to my mentors and closest friends to ask them to pray for me, for I feel like I'm losing the battlefield of the mind.
Thank God for friends that responded quickly. (which led me to write the post in my
home blog) and I poured out my anguish and my doubts again.
Uncle Jit had to set me right on my course. With his words, I finally regained my steps. But it was also then, the voice of Christ is heard again.
Looking back, I was actually a little fearful of what I was about to give up that night. If I had chose to give up, what have I gain but nothing? I would have lost everything.
I am getting more grips of God's grace now. I used to be so fearful of His judgement and His wrath that I tried to do things my way and tried to make it work for Him. But though His judgement and His wrath still stands, I also remember that He is also a loving and merciful God. Compassionate and loving, He is slow to anger.
I realised that I took some of the Bible verses but I did not take the whole Bible. I remember one part of the Bible but I didn't remember all of it. I only viewed one side of God.
What more, with my perfectionist and independent nature, I tend to do things myself because I believe that if you want to get the job done properly, do it yourself. And I pride myself for being so good in delegating work!
Yes, looking back, I found out that again and again, I have made myself a spectacle of like a dog chasing its own tail.
And I take myself too seriously.
I could use some going out, laughing myself silly and be more like a kid...though I don't see it coming anytime soon yet. :)
Whatever it is, I found my light in the darkness. Every Christian go through a bleak time, even King David did. But what difference it makes is that we hold on to the faith. (Hebrews 4:14)
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.
Thinking back, I'm glad that God is love (1 John 4:8) and that He is mighty to save.
Praise be to the LORD,
for He has heard my cry for mercy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song.
(Psalm 28:6-7)
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
(Zephaniah 3:17)
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
(Hebrews 11:1)
On another note, I'm hoping that I will write more often on this blog. Not just about my life and my walk with Christ, but also talk about Christian issues. I'm not a very good debater when it comes to Christian debates because I can get very caught up with the argument and lose out the truth. I am not like C.S. Lewis. But I can raise issues. As the Bible say, we are not perfect people. We are sinners. We are humans. But we are saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. And we can hope for a better day everyday. I think it's good to not be ashamed of the gospel.
Posted by rebekah at 3:09 PM
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