07 July 2007
Death
死亡.
是不可以避免的.
對一些人所言, 是一種很可怕的事.
一些人卻覺得是一種很受期待的事.
對其他人, 死亡只是人命而已.
我希望不會在近日去參加誰人的葬禮.
我跟不希望見到我認識的人躺在棺木裡.
太痛苦了, 我承受不到.
It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle's end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger's bed
It will find you when they serve you with the papers
It will find you when the locks have changed again
It will find you when you've called in all your favors
It will meet you at the bridge's highest ledge
So baby don't look down- it's a long way
The sun will come around to a new day
So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you
It will find you when the doctor's head is shaking
It will find you in a boardroom mostly dead
It will crawl into the foxhole where you're praying
It will curl up in your halfway empty bed
So baby don't believe that it's over
Maybe you can't see 'round the corner
To hang between two thieves in the darkness
Love must believe you are worth it
You're worth it
Posted by rebekah at 12:41 AM
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30 June 2007
A Retrospect
I am feeling better now, thank you very much.
God still loves me. That's all that matters now.
I've been evaluating myself. I've struggled. I've hoped for a better talent, or a better look, or all that...
But then I fall back to the Word of God, with His gentle quiet whisper in my ear that "all things work together for the good" and that all that work that is started in me will be "brought to completion".
I don't know what are His plans.
I became fickle-minded.
At first I want to become a producer.
Then I feel that I don't have the personality for it.
Then I want to write.
But then I realised my creativity is limited, so is my vocabulary.
I didn't want to get married, or have someone loving me, romantic-ising me.
But I still desire for that special someone to spend a lifetime with.
...
I don't know what God's plans are for me.
I just know that He knows what He's doing. Though I know many times, we want to yell at Him, "Hello, are You sure You know what You're doing? I should be going THIS way."
I have been reading Philip Yancey's "What's So Amazing About Grace?" and to tell you the truth, it opened my eyes to really understand what the Christian faith is all about. I can identify the times when I was ungrace-full to others, I can identify when I was too legalistic and feared the Lord like He's placing a scoreboard in front of Him. When I screw up, He's going to write down and remember this for life...
Of course He isn't doing that. God already mentioned that He will "blot out their transgressions and remember them no more."
I remember the time when I sat down with my friend and he started telling me how he broke a girl's heart and his own, I felt sorry for both of them. It's like when I see my brother got so frustrated when his relationship was on the rocks.
Then I watched It Started With A Kiss, I know how it feels like to be having unrequited love. It hurts like crap. You get jealous when that person likes another person or has a boy/girlfriend. You cry every night when you receive no mutual affection from that person.
Then I find it a very deep principle. Christ is also facing unrequited love sometimes. God is madly in love with His people but many choose to not reply to His love. In Hosea, God was pronouncing judgment on His people, but in the middle, He cried out "How can I give you up? How can I give you up?"
Know this: God is love. His whole being is love. He love sinners, not their sins.
So, unlike we get over a broken heart (or never) and continue on with life, God cannot unlove us. It's His character. To not love us is like God won't exist that kind of thing.
Then I was lying on bed one day dreaming of romance, dreaming of my future husband (if I ever do get married), I realised that I want to fall in love with the right person. That I want to wait for him. It may sound the silliest notion ever, but I want to wait. And right now, singlehood is a gift from God. :) Jesus is enough.
Then I was reading Proverbs 31:10-31, about the Proverbs 31 woman. And I want to be like her! Though she's like super perfect, but it's really a beautiful woman.
"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Prov. 31:25, 26
Then I wished for someone to be in the media industry who is also a strong Christian, so I can find a mentor in her.
I realised that my future can only be given to God for safekeeping. Only I can trust Him.
God was also telling me that one of my weakness is the lack of objectivity when watching movies/dramas..that I do get caught up so easily. Haha. And I'm suppose to be in the media industry, must be somewhat objective.
Then I laughed when I read Philip Yancey writing this: "Like farm pigs, we like to wallow in the mud."
Then he said something more poignant. "The intensity of feeling we have for the one person we choose to spend life with mirrors the passion God feels toward us, and God wants His passion returned in kind." which goes back to Christ's unrequited love.
The Bible, Yancey said, has always been presenting God as a lover pursuing a fickle bride.
PURSUING. God is pursuing us, the fickle bride.
And He remained faithful.
Thank You Lord.
----
Posted by rebekah at 11:47 PM
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Being Self Conscious
The media paints very different picture of what we see in real life.
...
I wanted to a retrospect and do some excerpt from my journal.
...
Suddenly I don't feel so confident.
Posted by rebekah at 4:42 PM
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21 May 2007
The Worship Of God
I always believed that the worship of God will always bring us back to God. Not just lip service kind of worship, but truly worship Him. How does this happen?
To my best belief, this is what usually happens...
1. Just by standing in the presence of God alone, you cannot ignore the fact that He is there. No matter how hard, how hard you try to push Him away, somehow God isn't Someone so easily pushed away. Especially when you are surrounded by a multitude of worshippers, you cannot help it but realise that God is there, waiting for you.
2. I always believe also that when the worship leader and the worship team is really worshipping God (and not to mention play well enough to cover any mistakes happening! :P), you will be able to worship God, not because of the music or the voices, but rather the atmosphere is being built up.
I'm not spreading heresy or pseudo-encouragements. When King David felt that he was far from God, what did he do other than sing a psalm that connects him back to God? Just read Psalms. You can find that even in the bleakest time of David's life, even when he felt that God was silent, he didn't stop worshipping God. Instead, he pursued God with his worship.
Know this: God is always there, whether you feel He's far or near. If our dear Lord says that He will never leave you nor forsake you, don't give up hope or give in to the lies of the devil that God has deserted you.
Like the sun, sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't. That doesn't mean it isn't there. The sun shines anyway. If you say that the sun doesn't come out at night, but hello, how does the moon get its shine? The sun still exist in the solar system. Again, I'll say. Whether you see the sun or not, that doesn't mean the sun is not there. Same with God. Sometimes you feel Him, sometimes you don't. But Christianity isn't all about feelings, it's about knowing God and His character. So, whether you feel Him or not, that doesn't mean He's not there.
When in despair, look to God in Psalms...or listen to worship songs. There are a few great ones...Tim Hughes, Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin, Vicky Beeching, Charlie Hall, Don Moen...the most important is you taking the step to enter into His presence.
I'm never good in encouragement. I get tongue-tied or meet up with jalan buntu (dead end) in my head. But worship is the one that always help me to be in awe of God again and again.
Like they say, try Vista and be WOWed...my line for this is: try God and be WOWed...definitely.
1 To You I call, O LORD my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if You remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.
2 Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to You for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward Your Most Holy Place.
3 Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.
4 Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil work;
repay them for what their hands have done
and bring back upon them what they deserve.
5 Since they show no regard for the works of the LORD
and what His hands have done,
He will tear them down
and never build them up again.
6 Praise be to the LORD,
for He has heard my cry for mercy.
7 The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song.
8 The LORD is the strength of His people,
a fortress of salvation for His anointed one.
9 Save Your people and bless Your inheritance;
be their Shepherd and carry them forever.
Psalm 28
So, run to Him today!
Posted by rebekah at 4:35 PM
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19 May 2007
Flying
I wonder how does it feel like to be flying?
*
I am going on fine. This week I spent time with my guy friends and I was really surprised that they could confide in me so quickly. That is actually scary.
But God has been faithful...and I am still looking...searching for a greatness. I have a purpose...and I intend to live it out, purposefully!
Posted by rebekah at 12:55 PM
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29 April 2007
Flyaway
Sometimes I want and wish to get a plane ticket and fly away to some other place. Australia? Japan? America? Canada? Korea? Hong Kong? Singapore? New Zealand? ...
I'm not wanting to runaway or anything. I just need to fly away. I need to go someplace else, do something different and learn something new. It's always good to travel. And not only so, I want to be able to curl up in the heat of the room and write. Continue on with my passion in writing. Or greater, I take a video camera or SLR camera to take video or pictures about life.
I like to put life in perspective. That's why I like to look at photographs...about life. Photographs that depict the human emotion. Not entertainment, celebrity photos. I like nature. Trees, plants, waterfalls, black and whites, sepias...weddings...Something that is taken from the heart.
That is why I would like to take a long holiday elsewhere. Get to know the culture and people there. Get rid of my preconceptions, learn new languages...
get married there and learn to find God and myself in a whole new world. It's really an insane idea, I know. I probably watched too much movies and TV dramas and dreamed that I could do that.
But you need to travel to know how to come back home.
You also need to open your heart in order to know what's in your heart.
Maybe next time, if I got some cash, I'll probably fly over to Sabah and climb Mt. Kinabalu. Or not. Haha..
Well, as the Arabs always say, "Insya Allah" or "God willing"...
We'll see how. Maybe Cameron Highlands seems nice for a student like me for now.
"Daughter, when will you ever be satisfied? Only in Me will you find satisfaction. Come to Me and I will come near to you."
Posted by rebekah at 10:34 PM
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25 April 2007
A Frustration
No, I'm not depressed.
I am just feeling a little down tonight.
Too many things that are I'm unable to understand.
It's not that God is again feeling distant, but rather, I am finding myself distant. It's not that I need space. Rather, I need to go somewhere else and think things through.
It's time for reflection.
And thank God that I have a holiday next week.
But I wish I can get away. Go someplace else.
I need a getaway.
And I want to understand.
This is frustrating.
Posted by rebekah at 10:00 PM
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14 April 2007
Light In The Darkness
Haven't been updating this blog, partly because have been really thinking.
Maybe I think too much till it becomes hazardous. Haha.
Last week was Easter week. It's the week where Jesus died on the cross and rose again.
And it was the week I found my faith again.
To be honest, I really thought I lost my faith. Doubts flooded in like anything. I am beginning to question whether am I really believing in God. I am starting to question whether my faith is genuine or copied.
There was a point I totally lost it. I went on prostrating and cried out to God who seemed so silent. I was using Psalm 28:1-2 to say to Him...
To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.
Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.
Then I relented. And I sms-ed to my mentors and closest friends to ask them to pray for me, for I feel like I'm losing the battlefield of the mind.
Thank God for friends that responded quickly. (which led me to write the post in my
home blog) and I poured out my anguish and my doubts again.
Uncle Jit had to set me right on my course. With his words, I finally regained my steps. But it was also then, the voice of Christ is heard again.
Looking back, I was actually a little fearful of what I was about to give up that night. If I had chose to give up, what have I gain but nothing? I would have lost everything.
I am getting more grips of God's grace now. I used to be so fearful of His judgement and His wrath that I tried to do things my way and tried to make it work for Him. But though His judgement and His wrath still stands, I also remember that He is also a loving and merciful God. Compassionate and loving, He is slow to anger.
I realised that I took some of the Bible verses but I did not take the whole Bible. I remember one part of the Bible but I didn't remember all of it. I only viewed one side of God.
What more, with my perfectionist and independent nature, I tend to do things myself because I believe that if you want to get the job done properly, do it yourself. And I pride myself for being so good in delegating work!
Yes, looking back, I found out that again and again, I have made myself a spectacle of like a dog chasing its own tail.
And I take myself too seriously.
I could use some going out, laughing myself silly and be more like a kid...though I don't see it coming anytime soon yet. :)
Whatever it is, I found my light in the darkness. Every Christian go through a bleak time, even King David did. But what difference it makes is that we hold on to the faith. (Hebrews 4:14)
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.
Thinking back, I'm glad that God is love (1 John 4:8) and that He is mighty to save.
Praise be to the LORD,
for He has heard my cry for mercy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to Him in song.
(Psalm 28:6-7)
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
(Zephaniah 3:17)
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
(Hebrews 11:1)
On another note, I'm hoping that I will write more often on this blog. Not just about my life and my walk with Christ, but also talk about Christian issues. I'm not a very good debater when it comes to Christian debates because I can get very caught up with the argument and lose out the truth. I am not like C.S. Lewis. But I can raise issues. As the Bible say, we are not perfect people. We are sinners. We are humans. But we are saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. And we can hope for a better day everyday. I think it's good to not be ashamed of the gospel.
Posted by rebekah at 3:09 PM
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